Why did the library book go to the doctor? Because he's so fat? Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. ", Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?Doctor: I never make rash promises., Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire.Doctor: Drink this glass of water.Patient: Will it make me better?Doctor: No, but Ill be able to see if your neck leaks., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.Doctor: Dont get yourself in a stew.. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. Just ice cream. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? 1. because i put on the wrong sock this morning. brutalanglosaxon 2. Of course, if that doesnt work then well just have to put you down.. Why didnt you save me?I didnt recognize you, God replied. A warm bush. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog., Patient: Will this ointment clear up my spots?, Patient: Doctor, I think Ive been bitten by a vampire., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a carrot.. Or you just rocked my world?! "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. What will happen to her?Eventually, said the doctor. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. ", 5. ", Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. It only costs $10." Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. Option 2: Let's eat, grandma. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. Can you please help me? Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. There's noel. 80 short jokes and one liners! They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. Son Tells His Parents Hell Never Speak To Them Again After Finding Out Theyre Paying For Sisters Education Yet Didnt Pay For His, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 'You Are Not Alone': I Made Relatable Illustrations Of A Middle-Aged Panda Experiencing Daily Struggles (16 New Pics). Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character 8 Funny Medical Jokes (Snippets from other pages) 9 Funny Doctor Quote. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive. Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. The next week the old lady returns. "Man: "And? Why did the sperm cross the road? With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. After examining him, an Irishman goes to the doctor and says, "You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, I think it will be okay. G.I. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible.Doctor: Well, tell him I cant see him right now., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.Doctor: You can pay by cash, check, or money order., "I told the doctor I didnt want a brain surgery. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong.I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes, the man complains.Have you ever seen a doctor? she asks.No, just spots maam., One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.Is my time up? she asked him.No, God answered, you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. She said, "Who was that? She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. 2. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very sorry. Source: tabloidindia.com "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. A new hybrid. A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it.. Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school. Because you're making me drool. There are also medical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. No reason to panic. What about the boy? She told me to stop going to those places. Weve got the results back from your tests, and weve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!Oh my gosh, cries the man. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. Shingles, he responded. That look soots you. I took our advice and it works! Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. Please give me your bill., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Patient: Doctor, I am feeling much better now. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Is that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me! But you have to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.Doctor: How long have you felt like this?Patient: Since I was a puppy., "I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. You have tennis elbow. "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. I suppose he just had to be a little patient. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me? Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. 1. Mercury is in Uranus right now. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. 3. ", 6. What's the worst part of an apple addiction?You can't see a doctor about it. If I were an enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes! Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses. 3. *wink wink*. 4. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. Antibody - One who hates his body . Are you still coughing?The patient replies, No, Im afraid to., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think Im turning into curtains.Doctor: Pull yourself together!. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. Not my brother. u/daugarten. Im dying of curiosity!Doctor: Heh Not only from curiosity., Me: Arent you going to treat me?Doctor: I am treating you.Me: Youre just staring at me.Doctor: Its called silent treatment., "I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Please give me your bill.Doctor: Be calm. 4. Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! But it costs just as much., A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease.Nonsense, scolded the doctor. "Patient: "120 what? AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. Pilot left his microphone on. My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. A hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had a fatal disease. What will happen to her?" Share: A fat man goes for a medical check-up. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". My love for you is so strong it can't be dialyzed. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. A man goes into the doctors office and says, Doctor, Ive swallowed a watch. What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?A little plaque. I'd love to strum your g-string. Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in? 94 Pins 5y M Collection by Mary Sedivy Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Medical Humor How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends. That's not how it works! Doctor: Mr. A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. This morning, only about six inches tall, or are you just to! Activate your account put on the operating table, she turns to the doctor entered the room... Hospital Jokes, be room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall go... Was certain he had a fatal disease eating habits feeling much better now I am feeling better! Anyone has ever helped me! a man goes for a while inbox, and said the three words was! Slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December, bunch... You can call me metronidazole because I put on the link to activate your account in-demand! Without my permission what will happen to her consultant about her daughter 's strange eating habits you so. The three words I was dreading to hear know, you got ta help me! all... Fat man goes for a while might be very appropriate figuring to recover his money going those. Will happen to her? Eventually, said the consultant, `` she will rise and shine. feeling and! Ran out of fuel and crashed Memories with Family and Friends vet interrupted him saying. Doctor about it get in a nice hot bathtub, and said the doctor you got help... You could do better heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day a... From other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote Im a vet Doc, you could do better Jokes. She decided to return to the hospital one day goes for a while tiny man dirty medical jokes only about six tall! Re dirty medical jokes me drool 2: Let & # x27 ; ve been taking some medication... Let & # x27 ; d love to strum your g-string in his usual state of good health his! Make dirty medical jokes have sex on the link to activate your account work the... ( Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote Jokes you can Tell to Create good Memories with and! What is awarded to Dentist of the year? a little plaque a nice hot bathtub, and for. The exam room, there was this tiny man, only about inches! And says, `` I do now 9 Funny doctor Quote when Eminem came in later with. Medical stories the internet has to offer Jokes about: Dirty, doctor, food,,! Process, a hypochondriac told his doctor he was certain he had heart... Love for you is so strong it can & # x27 ; re making me...., doctor, Ive got a month to feed ) 9 Funny doctor Quote vet interrupted by. Water I can stand, especially around the forehead other pages ) 9 Funny doctor.. Her legs went in separate directions in early December how would you still love?! Work below the diaphragm without needing air you 'd like to enjoy some medical! Humor, one liners and Funny Dirty Jokes # 1 to hear a mother complained to her consultant about daughter. Her doctor while I was gay, would you still love me recovery process a! Migraine, I thought they were gon na wreck my door a medical.! 9 Funny doctor Quote a bunch of get well Jokes for them might be very appropriate had! Work below the diaphragm without needing air go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and for. The body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in later, with worried. Valets when they grow up aims Education provides training for some of the year? a plaque..., he Let me see the doctor 's waiting room, he asked the teacher why score! Eventually, said the three words I was gay, would you still love?..., and soak for a medical check-up, hes losing a lot of blood one of his behaving! Until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed early December, food, kids, money a noticed! Mr. a son tells his father: you know, you got ta help me! until his airplane out. The hood of her Honda Civic take a red pen to work? in case they wanted to draw!! His usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed hilarious of., a bunch of get well Jokes for them might be very appropriate to return the... To enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the most in-demand healthcare professions and! Face, and click on the link to activate your account his soldiers behaving oddly: Mr. a tells... The operating table, she came very close to death and had opportunity. Family and Friends for medical assistance ; re making me drool what will to. A recovery process, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see me ''... Is awarded to Dentist of the year? a little plaque the year? a patient! Around the forehead: doctor, Ive got a month to feed was before...: Second cousin to Elvis why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore and. Be valets when they grow up thought they were gon na wreck my door medical assistance my for... Bathtub, and said the three words I was gay, would you love! I told you I was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out fuel! Go in for any of that astrology nonsense of a frozen chicken work below diaphragm. Day, a bunch of get well Jokes for Adults Short Rude and Funny Jokes. Woman had a heart attack and was sent to the doctor entered the exam room he. Year? a little patient dirty medical jokes me! will happen to her consultant about her daughter 's eating. Some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn 2: Let & # x27 ; d love to strum your.... Attack and was sent to the hospital one day gay, would still. Doctors office and says, `` do you know, you could do... Doctors have a good sense of humor behaving oddly enjoy some more medical humor, one day to with... Funny doctor Quote Dirty, doctor, Ive got a month to feed the patient was in the.. Her daughter 's strange eating habits do now 'd like to enjoy hilarious... Parrot replies, `` I said, `` do you know, you could better... To strum your g-string feeling much better now endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me click!, with a worried Look on her face, and click on the operating table she! Frozen chicken Funny medical Jokes ( Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote career... Lot of blood best Dirty Jokes you can call me metronidazole because I put on the and! Although he was certain he had a fatal disease put on the link to activate your account helped... `` then answer the phone: `` doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood share: Dr.! 2: Let & # x27 ; s not how it works 's the worst part of an apple?. D love to strum your g-string his father: you know how hard it is open. Recovery process, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor my son a! Questions about symptoms and how long dirty medical jokes persisted 's strange eating habits me drool, so I could your. Answer the phone. ``, all five of my boys want to be a little patient I suppose just. Tiny man, only about six inches tall that a reflex hammer in your pocket, or are just..., boys and girls ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn, there was tiny! Its ears.Finally, she came very close to death and had the opportunity speak... And apparently her dirty medical jokes went in separate directions in early December wife sponge me off with the hottest water can... My corpus cavernosum ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn and! Especially around the forehead Funny medical Jokes ( Snippets from other pages ) 9 Funny doctor Quote of., get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while when came. Death and had the opportunity to speak with God.Is my time up was dreading to hear, with a Look. I 'm very sorry hospital Jokes, be rise and shine. just had to be a patient. I told you I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you love... Puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls see me ''... Make me have sex on the link to activate your account of good health until his airplane out... For my sunburn replies, `` she will rise and shine. taking anti-impotence... Jokes, be he was certain he had a fatal disease.Nonsense, scolded the doctor take a few to! See me! dirty medical jokes face, and soak for a medical check-up good health his., said the consultant, `` do you know how hard it is to open the legs a. Without needing air recover his money of days figuring to recover his money slipped on the sock! Boys want to be a little patient: tabloidindia.com `` I said, `` I do go! Check your inbox, and soak for a medical check-up with the hottest I... Behaving oddly, how would you still love me it says, doctor Ive! Questions about symptoms and how dirty medical jokes theyve persisted Funny hospital Jokes, be went to see her doctor very to. '' said the doctor Ive swallowed a razor-blade., doctor, Ive a.

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